Yellow Jackets are the Gatekeepers of Hell

August 21, 2007 - Tuesday
YELLOW JACKETS ARE THE GATEKEEPERS OF HELL

Tuesday - another scorcher - gonna be about 101 with a heat index of 110, and wicked humid. No on monday I got the back porch all opened up from when the migrant workers closed it in to fit another 40 of them into the house - porch has great potential, the ceiling is really short, but we can actually drop the floor, get it cleaned up and have a nice roomy screened in porch. I had piled up most of the plywood and 2x4's and shit, but since the dunpster had come the previous day, (along with the water being turned on and the electricity too) I figured that I would start getting some of the crap into the dumpster, started in the front and got all that crap in there & went around back to get the 2x4's into the dumpster as I figured the plywood would be to awkward for me to carry by myself. So as I am doing so, I am moving the plywood just to get it out of my way, and I drop the damn thing and it runs totally down my shin and smashes on the top of my ankle. Instantly it turned purple, began to bleed and swell. Cursing my fool head off I run to the front of the house and put ice on it from the cooler. Owwwwies!

By this time I am just tired in general from the killer ride down, and working 4 ten hour days...so to say the least, the plywood just pissed me off and increased my crankiness.
I finish loading the 2x4's into the dumspter and start raking up the shit around the yard...I got a lawnmower from my neighbors down the street for 30 bucks, and spent about 3 hours the day before mowing an acre & a half of grass, weeds, whatever - looks a lot better tho. A lot of sticks and shit were hidden in the tall grass so I though I start getting them cleaned up. Simple process, rake shit into a pile, scoop it up & throw it in the wheelbarrow, then dump it ocer by the collapsed garage to be put in the next dumpster rental in October - no problem right? WRONG. The HUGE magnolia tree right behind the house, which is super messy tree and there are just tons of these huge leaves under it in about a 20 foot round circle (total place fro copperheads to hang out) is also the home to a buttload of yellow jacket nests.
I dump the 10th wheelbarrow and one fucker zooms out & stings me through my shorts on my thigh. Ha ha! I will get the spray - the shit that hits 'em from like 25 feet away, right? I do this and think all is well, no, I just pissed about 50 of these little fuckers off and they swarm after me. I drop my rake, gloves, spray can and book off to the front of the house. They bit me in the armpit, on my boobs, on my butt, holy shit. I fucking hate bees and I know when I arrive in hell, they will be waiting for me a the gate before I am chucked in the pool of molten lava over and over.
At this point I just start crying, I am in so much pain from the bites, my leg is killing me from where I dropped the plywood on it, I call John & just blubber in his ear like a little girl. That's it - I am going back to my mothers house I am DONE for the day. I call Melissa to tell her I am coming home and I am still crying about my legs and the bites. So I split, go to mom's take a shower, my dad gives me some anti-bee-bite drug (he is allergic so he is armed with all kinds of shit) and decide that Melissa & I are going to go to the aquarium and go to lunch. Half way to the aquarium I am ready to pass out from the meds, but we make it alive, enjoy looking at the fishies, turtles & sharks, and we go get lunch and arrive back at the house about 3 pm. I immediately lay down and fall asleep and only wake up about 3 hours later with my dad bellowing that we are going out to dinner. We return by 9 pm, and I hit the bed right away - slept through till 7 am....Think I was Tired much?